I have written this post a dozen times in my head… and the truth is, I should have gone ahead and typed it because I was a lot more eloquent last night. This morning, I am sounded a lot more like a broken record.
My Made to Crave journey took a nasty turn this week. It is called SNOW. I can make a million excuses, but I choose to be honest and just say that I forgot I was supposed to be praying for strength. It may sound like a cop-out, but it’s true. In the midst of planning lessons and testing around an uncertain forecast, I found myself filling bowl after bowl of Doritos. Plus the Hubby brought home left over Krispy Kreme… and, y’all, that just doesn’t happen everyday!
I speak to my heavenly Father all day long. I offer up quick prayers and praises at each and every turn. A “Father, bless them” here; a “thank you, Jesus” there; a “Lord, I ask that you give me patience with this one” mixed in-between. But I have not prayed for strength with food this week… how could something like that slip my mind with the One I talk to without ceasing?!
Snow Days are few and far between in the state where nothing could be finer. So when we all found ourselves snowed in, it was easy to get excited about bags of popcorn and movies, doughnuts and hot coffee, homemade cocoa and cookies, and of course SNOW CREAM! And that was just yesterday!
I had gotten behind on my reading and did not read chapter 4 until last night (2 days late). In chapter 4, Lysa talks about having at least one friend to hold you accountable and speak rationality into an irrational food crisis. This chapter nearly put me in a snit. Friends? Really?! Have I not already put it out there that I am without said network of friends these days? The Lord is slowly bringing people into my life, but I am still so uneasy. My track record stinks. People who were supposed to stand by me through thick and thin left me in my darkest hours. People who I was supposed to lift up and support were torn down by my actions. And I am left feeling very much alone at a time when I am needing a network of support.
Yes, I have Hubby. Yes, I have a new friend who has been open about wanting to get healthier. But, can I be honest? I am not ready to be held accountable by these people. Why? Hubby takes more of a drill sergeant approach to accountability, which I do not need right now and my new friend has not yet discovered what a hot mess I am. I am a little afraid for her to find that out… Although, I did share this little tidbit with her…
… her look of complete shock let me know real quick she is not ready for my hot mess!
Then, I began chapter 5. I didn’t get very far because, frankly, it put too much on the line. The first paragraph talks about giving in “just this once; I’ll start over on Monday”. I have fallen for that trap before. Multiple times. But what kept me from reading further is the plain and simple fact that Hubby and I are hosting the Super Bowl party for the youth this year. My man is grilling his famous wings while others are bringing some of my favorite dishes. Sigh. This is quite a road block to healthy eating… and if I read the rest of the chapter I cannot claim ignorance!
So, friends, I choose to share with you. I cannot see your shocked faces. I cannot hear your “tsk, tsk” or feel the breeze from your shaking heads. And as you post words of accountability and encouragement, I pray you will be gentle.