Made to Crave, Week 2… Where I am a hot mess…

I have written this post a dozen times in my head… and the truth is, I should have gone ahead and typed it because I was a lot more eloquent last night.  This morning, I am sounded a lot more like a broken record.

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My Made to Crave journey took a nasty turn this week.  It is called SNOW.  I can make a million excuses, but I choose to be honest and just say that I forgot I was supposed to be praying for strength.  It may sound like a cop-out, but it’s true.  In the midst of planning lessons and testing around an uncertain forecast, I found myself filling bowl after bowl of Doritos.  Plus the Hubby brought home left over Krispy Kreme… and, y’all, that just doesn’t happen everyday!

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I speak to my heavenly Father all day long.  I offer up quick prayers and praises at each and every turn.  A “Father, bless them” here; a “thank you, Jesus” there; a “Lord, I ask that you give me patience with this one” mixed in-between.  But I have not prayed for strength with food this week… how could something like that slip my mind with the One I talk to without ceasing?!

Snow Days are few and far between in the state where nothing could be finer.  So when we all found ourselves snowed in, it was easy to get excited about bags of popcorn and movies, doughnuts and hot coffee, homemade cocoa and cookies, and of course SNOW CREAM!  And that was just yesterday!

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I had gotten behind on my reading and did not read chapter 4 until last night (2 days late).  In chapter 4, Lysa talks about having at least one friend to hold you accountable and speak rationality into an irrational food crisis.  This chapter nearly put me in a snit.  Friends?  Really?!  Have I not already put it out there that I am without said network of friends these days?  The Lord is slowly bringing people into my life, but I am still so uneasy.  My track record stinks.  People who were supposed to stand by me through thick and thin left me in my darkest hours.  People who I was supposed to lift up and support were torn down by my actions.  And I am left feeling very much alone at a time when I am needing a network of support.

I spent the weekend with my sister and nieces...

I spent the weekend with my sister and nieces…

They live just 15 minutes from my alma mater and my old haunts...

They live just 15 minutes from my alma mater and my old haunts…

They brought me here... my favorite eatery from my college days... where I ate a basket of fried mushrooms and the biggest cheeseburger (all the way with chili and slaw, yo!) on the face of the earth!  Yum!

They brought me here… my favorite eatery from my college days… where I ate a basket of fried mushrooms and the biggest cheeseburger (all the way with chili and slaw, yo!) on the face of the earth! Yum!

Yes, I have Hubby.  Yes, I have a new friend who has been open about wanting to get healthier.  But, can I be honest?  I am not ready to be held accountable by these people.  Why?  Hubby takes more of a drill sergeant approach to accountability, which I do not need right now and my new friend has not yet discovered what a hot mess I am.  I am a little afraid for her to find that out… Although, I did share this little tidbit with her…

I shared with my Instagram peeps that Hubby ate MY stash of Girl Scout cookies... I ordered a new box just for me and hid them in my purse... then I ate the entire box with my lunch on Monday.  Entire box, yo!  Entire box!! sigh.

I shared with my Instagram peeps that Hubby ate MY stash of Girl Scout cookies… I ordered a new box just for me and hid them in my purse… then I ate the entire box with my lunch on Monday. Entire box, yo! Entire box!! sigh.

… her look of complete shock let me know real quick she is not ready for my hot mess!

Then, I began chapter 5.  I didn’t get very far because, frankly, it put too much on the line.  The first paragraph talks about giving in “just this once; I’ll start over on Monday”.  I have fallen for that trap before.  Multiple times.  But what kept me from reading further is the plain and simple fact that Hubby and I are hosting the Super Bowl party for the youth this year.  My man is grilling his famous wings while others are bringing some of my favorite dishes. Sigh.  This is quite a road block to healthy eating… and if I read the rest of the chapter I cannot claim ignorance!

So, friends, I choose to share with you.  I cannot see your shocked faces.  I cannot hear your “tsk, tsk” or feel the breeze from your shaking heads.  And as you post words of accountability and encouragement, I pray you will be gentle.

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42 thoughts on “Made to Crave, Week 2… Where I am a hot mess…

  1. Oh Amy, girl I have been there. READ Chapter FIVE!!!!! and SIX! 😀 😀 THey are the heart of this book! It is so easy to forget the things that truly matter. YOU are a daughter of Christ. YOU are worth it! YOU can overcome this. Something I read this past week, stuck with me, as We have just recently switched to clean eating. When I say switched I mean, Yea Hubbys famous something or another was in my diet just recently lol… before I started Made to Crave. and There will be moments in my future when something delectable comes my way, I will have to remember what we are learning! Its a process. Here it is… I hope this helps you as much as it did for me:

    Everytime you eat something, are you fighting disease? or are you fueling it?

    Pretty powerful huh? It made me re-examine the harsh truth that every time I eat something BAD FOR ME … I am actually AIDING and EMBEDDING diseases to wreak havoc on me later on !!!! And If I continued down that path, It would not be too far later in the future either. THAT HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS! I do not want to be FUELING disease in my body! ❤ And When its time for you to make a change, something will HIT tHAT NERVE and give you the motivation you desire!!!! ❤ Just be open to it! and TRUST that you can overcome the wings, you can overcome the little voice telling you that you are not doing right! And talk about it with your friend.. Nine chances out of ten, she DOES NOT think you are a HOT MESS! WE are always our own worst CRITIC!

    I AM PROUD OF YOU for accepting what has come this week and sharing it with the entire WORLD! ❤ That is a HUGE step and that is the complete opposite of a huge mess!
    Big hugs from the other AMY 😀

    • Oh my!! That is a ton of bricks!!! I am so grateful that you shared that with me!! How powerful! Thanks for supporting me!!! I’m praying for YOU, too!!

  2. Amy—so much of what you said resonated with me. Especially the part about praying about your journey—like forgetting to pray. Yeah, I do that. I just want you to know you are not alone. ❤

  3. Dropping in from the blog hop 🙂 I don’t think you realize how many people out there are just like you! We’re all hot messes and I can totally relate to the “hard to trust” accountability issue. I’ll be praying that God sends someone your way to PARTNER with you – to not judge or look down on, but to be there with you by your side as an encourager and a support during the good times and bad. Thanks for sharing your heart and your truth 🙂

  4. Hi Amy,

    You may be feeling the breeze from my nodding head, because I am agreeing with you!! I totally get where you are coming from. Ignorance is bliss, so if I don’t know about then I don’t know any better.

    It is easier to hide our heads in the sand so we don’t have to face the issue. For me, it is not letting God into my unhealthy, food-filled lifestyle. I am looking it at from a nonspiritual aspect, when it is completely spiritual. Our bodies are a temple of the Lord!

    I pray the Lord blesses you with someone in your life to help keep you accountable, but you always have your fellow OBS sisters cheering you on!

  5. Ohhh dear Amy, I get your girl scout cookie thing. I too, am guilty of this exact thing. Lol!! We just have to keep handing it back to God. I am so thankful that He loves us, even though….

  6. No shocked face or tsk-ing here, because I have been there! I lost control on Saturday and ate a cake pop and a cupcake the size of my hand. Since I had already blown it, why not drink all the soda I wanted for the rest of the weekend. The sugar cravings were intense, and I gave into them. I was ready to give up and throw in the towel, but God used my friend to pick me back up again, so today I am starting fresh on my MTC journey. I wish I could give you a big ol’ hug through the computer screen. You are not alone, we are in this together, and we are not perfect. I am praying for your success and mine, too!

  7. Hot mess.. no.. sole sister came to my mind and heart .I just had to post to my Facebook group an apology for not being there for them , being behind in my readings and posts, feeling like I didn’t deserve to be apart of this group. I live in upstate NY and polar vortex is just another name for habernate and sit under blankets watch tv and eat! Thank you for making me feel part of the bigger picture and not a failure.

  8. Hang in there sister! Don’t be so hard on yourself! You are loved and of great value! Just take it a day at a time, like the manna sent from heaven. He gives you all the strength and grace and yes, will-power you need for this day. We just have to trust Him to do so! Much love!

  9. I LOVE your heart and your honesty Amy!!!! We are all hot messes in one way or another and at some point or another! When you said that chapter 4 just about put you in a snit – well that just made me laugh out loud! I totally get it! Hang in there…I’ll be praying that God brings you some great, trustworthy, faithful and encouraging friends – Jesus with skin on – to walk alongside you in this journey! 🙂

  10. I could have written this blog that’s how much it sounds like me. Thank you for sharing! We will be “overcomers”;)

  11. If you could see me right now, you would see nothing resembling a shocked face, Amy! I have sat here nodding in agreement throughout your post. I am with you! Everyday I eat something horrible I shouldn’t and I feel so guilty. Thank you so much for your honesty, and letting me know I’m not alone. We will get there in time. Keep reading, it helps! I am loving the book even if I’m not able to live it yet.

    • Candace, thank you so much!!! I have been truly overwhelmed by the support today… And knowing that my journey is not unique. It helps more than you know!! We are in this together and I am praying you through! Thanks, sister!!!

  12. Amy, I am SO there with you! Thanks so much for posting this! You are not alone!! Praying for us both! We can do this with Him!!

    Kelley

  13. You got off track–things happen. I don’t think this group is judgemental at all. So it is great to use us as your sounding board. We’ve all been there! Sometimes I feel much better if I can get things off my chest. We’re here for you.

  14. Amy I won’t make a shocked face or a tsk, but I would love to encourage you to continue with the book hon. Yes you’ll be held accountable but you’ll also learn that you are not alone in this journey that you have chosen to take. We are right here with you to lift you up and support you. It is all about choices, the pleasure you receive from eating unhealthy foods is so minimal compared to the satisfaction of saying “no” to wrong choices. You can do this! If you must eat the Super Bowl food then at least eat very small portions. I have to admit that your husband’s wings sound so good!Thank you for being so honest and open with us and again, you CAN do this!

  15. Amy,
    you did get off track but you confessed with your sisters. you actually made us be your accountability because you had to face what you were feeling. And girl feel it myself. I have to keep repeating from chapter five I am made for more. It isn’t easy and I am on my second time reading this book. I will add you to my prayer tonight.

  16. You know why I love your post?? B/c you’re real & raw. You have shared your struggles & concerns which allows God to use others to help, encourage, support, etc. 🙂 You’re right in that you can’t do this. Only God can! Replace all the negative with truth….His truth. One word/thought at a time. I agree with the ladies above…I took more notes on chapter 5 than any other chapter! Why?! B/c it hits my heart & NEEDS to be applied. Thank you for sharing & giving me & others the opportunity to help you. 🙂

    http://yeaeninginmyheart.blogspot.com

  17. Oh sweet one!!!
    Let me please tell you that I have moved recently and was invited to a Super Bowl party where there were lots of girls I eagerly wanted to be friends with eating lots of delicious foods. Foods that my nearest and dearest friends and I would NEVER fix for ourselves or others because they are just BAD foods – so obviously delicious. There was a fruit platter that I ignored and a veggie platter that I also ignored. I filled my plate and helped myself to seconds, just like they did. But in the back of my head I could just see one of my best friends raising her eyebrows higher and higher with every tortilla scoop full of velveeta and rotel.
    A friend of mine once told me that we couldn’t look at a bad food day as starting over. It is ALL part of the journey. The important thing is that there is progress, imperfect progress, and that I remembered that the next morning was a whole new day with no mistakes in it. So tonight I may have overindulges but tomorrow is a new day and I do not plan on letting today’s mistakes be my excuse for tomorrow’s.

  18. Amy! I so identify with you. I’m not judging you or even shocked. (Been there – done that!) I really get what you said about your accountability partner. I feel a bit the same. We are always accountable to God for whatever we do – so make Him your partner. We know that His love is unconditional. For myself on this journey – I haven’t done as well as I’d like, have given in to temptation at times and usually when I’m behind in the study and not praying for God’s help. Don’t be hard on yourself. Fight the good fight – whatever you do healthy today is better than not doing anything. Celebrate your victories and learn from your defeats. Remember – all is permissible but not beneficial. We are all WIPs – “Works In Progress” – none are perfect! 🙂
    One step at a time,
    God Bless you, Shelley

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