I would rather stay in my own little corner, in my own little chair and read from my devotion or my bible than just about anything else these days. I am hungry for more time with the Lord and His Word. I wake an hour earlier than the rest of the house to allow myself quiet time with my journal, my bible, my favorite Christian blogs and my God… and yet, I am afraid I am still not craving Him.
I want to soak up every WOW-moment, take in every testimony, and breath in the Spirit of the Lord… but I am not craving Him.
I am, along with over 40,000 other people all over the world, participating in the P31 online bible study, Made to Crave. I am reading Lysa Terkeurst’s book, Made to Crave, and making notes of the bible verses and revelations she discovered on her own journey… and I am praying for some realizations of my own.
And today, I made a discovery that humbled me deeply. I am not craving my God. I am craving food.
Does this ring true for you?
I am a creature of habit. I walk into my mom’s house, straight into her kitchen, and raid her pantry. It hasn’t been my house for nearly 20 years, but it is comfort and familiarity and happiness and habit. I’m not hungry… it’s just what I do.
I come home from a long day teaching 113 fifth graders (for those who have been keeping track, we enrolled another one this week. sigh.) and unwind on the couch. No matter if my day has been full of stresses and disappointments or joys and celebrations, I find myself eating. Not because I am hungry… it’s just what I do. That is the bewitching hour for me. I eat right up until suppertime… then I eat a full meal because it is suppertime (I am certainly not hungry after all those snacks!).
Lysa suggested in chapter 2 to use these times of cravings as prompts to pray. And today, I prayed a lot.
There were some triumphs and some failures:
triumph: I did not snack at all between meals. The bewitching hour (which started with a quick trip to the store) was tough, but I ask God for strength and He provided. Even now, as I get ready to go to bed, I continue to ask God to get my through this very trying time of craving. And He is!
triumph: I haven’t had a soda since December! I love ice water and have started drinking quite a lot of it each day. This is not my first time trying to rid my life of sodas… I went six years without the sugary drinks and fell off the wagon about 3 years ago…
failure: I did allow myself dessert at the end of my meals. A couple of Hershey kisses and some trail mix after lunch satisfied my need for sweets. The 10+ homemade cookies leftover from this weekend’s lock-in was a delicious dessert… but definitely overkill.
I will praise God in the good times and the bad; in the triumphs and the failures. And I will lean on Him always.
I am linking up with the Made to Crave blog hop. Whether or not you are participating in the study, I hope you will find some encouragement here. I won’t mince words, I won’t sugarcoat the journey so that it sounds like it’s all a bed of roses. If you are on a similar journey, leave a comment. I would love to pray for you… and I hope you will pray for me too!