Ok, so I am hoping on the Five Minute Friday bandwagon. I saw several friends linking up with Lisa Jo Baker on Fridays, so I went to check out her blog and thought I would give it a try. Funny how my first prompt goes along with so many emotions I have been feeling this morning.
The idea is to write for five minutes flat. No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. Unscripted. Unedited. Real.
Today’s prompt: LONELY
People cannot trust me… or is it I can’t trust them? They left me, they yelled at me, they talked about me behind my back.
This left me scarred… and fearful… and untrusting… and lonely.
It is hard to let people in when you have been trying so hard for so long to keep them out. Do they want to genuinely be my friend? Are they just looking for the scoop? Are they reporting things they see or hear in gossip sessions that lead to more hate and distrust?
I want friendship. I don’t want to be lonely anymore. But it is scary. It is so scary to think that these people are genuine. Are they questioning me? Do they trust me? Is it always in the back of their mind like it is always in the back of mine.
And then she signs on… I am suspicious, yes. I am elated, too. But I am still so scared. And so scarred. And wanting things to be different, but fearing it will always remain just like this … in man’s world. But I don’t know what to do or where to turn. I don’t want to do the wrong thing or react in the wrong way… Why did she have to sign on? Things were getting better. I was feeling better. I was moving on.
God is different. He fills me. I cannot feel lonely when I am in His presence. He knows I need something more, but He is forging something meaningful instead. And so I wait out this lonely season, trusting fully on Him.