My devotions this morning were eye-opening in big “WOW” moment kind of ways. First, I read my Casting Crowns devotion. It was about the song “Who Am I?” Mark talked about realizing there were two perspectives from which he was wrongly viewing his relationship with God.
First, was entitlement- I deserve it, I came to Him, I found Jesus, I am a chosen child of God. I cannot say I ever truly fit into that viewpoint. But, this would more describe the me before. I had grown up in the church. I took leadership roles within my church. Lots of them. I don’t think I ever took an “I deserve it” stance… but I do think that before my sin, I placed myself higher than those whose sins were “bigger” than mine. After all, I had worked most of my life to be the “good girl” and to do the right thing and to be a role model for others. I think this opinion of myself may have been why I fell so far after my sin. Others may not have put me on a pedestal, but I sure had. And Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Now, the King is putting me back together again.
Second, was “in the red”- I need to repay Jesus for what He did for me, I owe Him so much. Yes! That has been the me since my sin. Allen and his family leaving left a hole in our church and our choir. I felt the emptiness and could tell others were feeling it to. Allen was gone, so that left me to make up for the brokeness our sin had caused. I have felt numerous times that I have so much to fix. So much my sin left broken. I have worked myself to exhaustion and feel as if I have made no ground. Why is that? I cannot repay Jesus for what He did for me. It is impossible. He doesn’t expect me to. It cannot be done. He has forgotten my sin anyway. My love and devotion is all he is after. It is man I am working so hard for… and I am exhausted because man will never be satisfied.
On to my She Reads Truth devotion. Today’s testimony was from Heather. She spoke of being a good girl and doing her good works. She fit right into the entitlement group. And I saw my old self in her words. I thought I had a relationship with God then, but I didn’t. I was too focused on me and my works that there was little room for my King.
Heather writes a blog at FacesofBeauty.org. I ventured onto her site and was soooooo glad I did. Women spoke about what makes them
feel beautiful. Heather wrote about ways to see yourself as how beautiful you really are, inside and out. And then I read a post where she quoted something written by Ashley Judd. Ashley has always been so beautiful to me. And she said something that touched me deeper than I could have imagined. She said she stopped reading her interviews or articles about her. She said what other people thought about her was none of her business. It was their opinion, no need to try and worry over it…
Hello! What other people think or say about me is none of my business??!! Then why have I been letting my mind get the better of me, worrying over what they’re thinking about me?! It’s none of my business! Yay!
In the midst of these eye-openers, God gave me a peace that I haven’t felt in a while. All of this is about allowing God to hold me, mold me, and make me who He needs me to be to fulfill His purpose. I need to let go and let God.
I have had a glorious day. Hubby was craving seafood, so we all hopped in the car and headed nearly two hours east to the coast. I had not been to our favorite beach spots since our last vacation with Allen, Ann and their precious kids. But, God was with me… God was with us.
The people I love most in this world. Thank you, Father, for a great day!
Hubby and me… photobombed by Little Man. Jeez! 🙂
My heart and soul…
We walked on the beach; took a scenic drive by the coast, the salt marshes, and the estuary; and got that local, fresh seafood we’d been craving. Thank you, God for such a special day with the people I love the most.