Finding My Hope

I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you, not to harm you.  Plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

A year ago, my hope was faltering.  I knew what God had promised.  Both Hubby and I had started a journey through the scriptures… and I was holding firmly to every word I could find on forgiveness.  (And I can tell you, friend, there are A LOT!)  But, I was tightly wrapped up in fear and, although I wasn’t aware of it at the time, depression.  I was scared to walk into my church.  I was afraid of the faces, afraid of what my mind was imagining was going through their heads.  (My mind was becoming my own worst enemy).  I was worried that each person was wishing Allen and Ann were still around and that I was the one who was gone.  I was scared of what Hubby was thinking.  I was reading every look on his face and wondering if he was mad at me or hating me or deciding to take back his gift of forgiveness…

A lot has changed in the last year.  No, I take that back… A lot has happened in the last 2 months.  First of all, 2013 arrived. Yay!! January 1 was not a magic day that washed all the hurt and pain away. But, leaving 2012 behind and entering a new year with a clean slate and new beginnings was symbolically very important to me.  January was a year since everything happened, so it was not easy… But 1 year down and eternity to go!!

You will have mercy on us again; you will conquer our sins.  You will throw away all our sins into the deepest part of the sea.  Micah 7:19

Second, I discovered She Reads Truth.  I discovered it through my bible app, YouVersion.  I chose a daily devotion called “Fresh Start” simply because of the hope the title offered me.  It opened my eyes to scriptures, it opened my heart to God, and it renewed my spirit with reminders of God’s Grace.

The “fresh start” devotion was followed by “Soul Detox”.  This daily devotion forced me to recognize the toxic thoughts I was entertaining and seek God’s guidance through His scriptures and through daily fellowshipping with like-minded sisters on the She Reads Truth site.  I shared portions of my testimony and received love and acceptance instead of the judgement I had always expected…

Yes, it has been a while between posts… But I have succumbed to the busyness of life, not strayed from God’s new path for me.  I am hungry for more of His Word.  I am eager to discover my part in His plan.  I am happy to be on the edge of my seat for my God (thanks, Kim!)!  I recognize that God has been more than good to me, He has been God to me (thanks, Ibukun!!)! And I realize that through my fears and my sadness, God saw the hot mess that I had become and was still willing to take it all from me (thanks, Katie!!)!

I sought The Lord and he answered me; He delivered me from all my fears. Psalms 34:4

I don’t know what the end result will be, but the process is amazing! He has given me hope. And it’s a great feeling.

I, I am the One who erases all your sins, for my sake; I will not remember your sins. Isaiah 43:25 NCV


3 thoughts on “Finding My Hope

  1. Pingback: Walk Humbly with Me and My God | Walk Humbly With God

    • John, I am not sure what program you are speaking of… thankfully none of my struggles have attracted that kind of attention. Hahaha. But if you are speaking about… that is something completely separate– but still something I support as I love the Reverend Billy Graham. I am thankful you stumbled upon my blog, however, and I pray I have somehow sparked something in you that will bring you closer to God. I hope you have had a blessed Thanksgiving and will have a glorious Christmas!

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